Thoughts on Public Education

Posted on February 8, 2012 by amoment2think

Photo by Pink Sherbet Photography via Flickr Creative Commons

Education has become a topic of conversation amongst many parents in my circle of friends. With most of my ‘mommy peers’ have children beyond the baby years, the decisions about preschools and kindergartens are getting closer and closer. And so, though Audrey is still a ways away from kindergarten, the topic of public education has started to swirl around in my mind.

Luckily, this is not my first introduction to concepts of Education. I work in Post Secondary Education- and so the topic of the impacts of public education on students- particularly as it relates to their future careers- is something I am fairly well versed in. I have also been paying close attention to a number of twitter friends and other mommy bloggers who are well into the trials and tribulations of school age children. I have always been interested in Education and Education politics.

Now, before I start sharing my thoughts, I will again repeat that I strongly and truly believe that each parent is their own best decision maker when it comes to their kid. Every kid is different and we all need to try and make decisions that we think are best for our kid. The Public/Private/Home school education choice is no different.

I believe too, especially in Canada, we have a pretty good system of choice between those options. It seems there are more and more Private (or Charter) schools cropping up with unique educational focuses or philosophies. I also understand that the popularity of homeschooling has increased and there is more support now for parents who choose that option. (When I say support I mean, it is a more normalized option in public opinion and that there are resources out there to help parents who choose to home school develop curriculum, ect.) There are certainly individual family circumstances, including financial, time constraints and personal skills and abilities*, that impacts the ability to explore the different options for schooling- but I think there is much more choice now then there was when I was growing up. Which is good.

My husband and I haven’t really started talking seriously about this decision yet. I believe my husband (I hate speaking for him, but I think I am right on this one) has thought more about Private school options then I have– but realistically I doubt we could afford any Private school. I also believe that neither hubby or I would be particularly strong at homeschooling and we need two incomes. We just do. Very likely, the home school option is out. Therefore, from my perspective at least, Audrey is likely going to public school.

Despite that, I certainly have some bones to pick with public education. I suspect I will be one of ‘those’ parents. Some of my core issues include:

Homework: From what I have heard from some other Canadian parents- the amount of homework students receive is insane. I strongly believe that homework adds little value and that children need free time to play. Beyond that, it is more then just homework. It seems to me that public education also encourages kids to spend much of their free time ‘involved in something’. I remember 5 day a week morning band practice, 3 day a week after school basketball, ect. ect. and a plethora of other opportunities I passed up because I just could not fit them in. Over scheduling has become a hot topic.

Quality of Teaching: The system has some amazing teachers and some really bad ones. I know this from personal experience. A child’s perspective of themselves and their skills, abilities and intelligence can be very strongly impacted by the experience they have in school, and not always for the better. Teachers play a huge role in this. I know for myself that I had some amazing teachers who really, made me who I am today. I also have strong memories from some really really horrible teachers, who negatively impacted my learning and my self-esteem.

Learning Style: Public Education rewards a very particular learning style: those who absorb information via primarily reading and writing. It also rewards students who are strong at memorization, mathematics and have the ability to quietly sit still. The infuriating reality of this is that is means a certain type of kid is considered ‘smart’ and a certain type of kid is considered ‘not smart’. However, based on my knowledge about careers, our economy needs a very wide diversity of skills and abilities. It needs hands on kinestheitic learners, who can figure out how to build or fix something. It needs great communicators- outgoing and gregarious. It needs feisty risk takers and people that can think in very unique ways to innovate and find solutions. I think our Education system tells many of these people they just don’t add up- because they don’t naturally do well in a situation where they sit in a class 6-8 hours a day and read and write. And above all, I believe our economy needs critical thinkers, problem solvers and people that have a strong ability to self assess and know what they are really, truly good at. Based on the students I talk to- this quality is a rarity and does not seem to be fostered in Public Education at all.

And despite all this- I would still choose Public Education over the other options,* even if I felt our family was in the position to explore those other options. There are a couple reasons for this. First, I believe kids are resilient. I do not believe my job is to make sure things go well for her all the time. I believe there is nothing more character building then overcoming a difficult situation. An other part is that I don’t think that by choosing Home schooling or Private Schooling that I entirely avoid the possibility that my child’s experience won’t be idyllic. No option is perfect.

But more then anything else, I believe deeply in public education. I can’t even explain to you why I believe so deeply it in. I should clarify, it is not that I ‘believe’ in it in the sense that I believe it is perfect. As you can see from above- I really don’t think it is perfect. But I believe in it from a social capital and community building perspective. I would rather have my child in Public school and be one of ‘those’ vocal parents- trying to change it from the inside- then opt out. I think it is partially because I am a glutton for punishment and have a deep ‘save the world’ bent that is currently being largely unfulfilled. Or maybe it is just because I love, love, love a great challenge. I am not sure. As I say, I am not sure at this point I can put into words why, despite the negatives, that I want my child in public education. Because I just do.

What do you think?

*These issues are huge and I think is something we need to be keenly aware of. Even having the option to choose anything other then public school is a privileged situation to be in. Yes, some family’s make huge sacrifices to get their kids in the educational system of their choice- but many more families really just do not have any options.

*Note: This decision is not entirely up to me, obviously, as I have mentioned, what we actually decide to do will have a lot to do with what my husband thinks and the circumstances we find ourselves in when Audrey is ready to go to school.

Survival Strategies for Sick Parents

Posted on January 20, 2012 by amoment2think

photo by Enokson via Flickr Creative Commons

One of the hardest things about being a parent is that when you are sick you don’t get to just lay in bed and recover. You just don’t. When you don’t have kids you can live on cans of soup and ginger ale and just let the dished pile up. When you are a parent, you have to, you know, take care of an other human being and they, quite frankly, don’t care two hoots that your not feeling well.

I am finally, (FINALLY, knock on wood) recovering from a three week cold. Three weeks. I am sure that part of the reason it took three weeks to recover, rather then five days, has something to do with the fact that I couldn’t really just rest. There is still a child to feed, dress, put to bed, drive to the dayhome, keep entertained on the weekend and the evenings. And even with a loving supportive husband who does a lot and did a lot more when I was feeling particularly crappy, there is still a lot to do.

I know the title of this post suggested that I had some kind of tips or strategies. I really don’t. In part, its just an other thing that they don’t tell you about before you have kids that you just have to grin and bear it. But I do have a few ideas. I am hoping you will add to them in the comments. There must be some great strategies floating out there in the collective wisdom that is the parenting community! Bring them on!

Survival Strategies:

#1 Quiet activities: Books, colouring, playdough, puzzles- all of these are your friends. Next time I get sick, the first thing I am going to do is go and buy Audrey a new puzzle. (She is OBSESSED with puzzles right now.) Because those quiet toddler activities are a life saver- they allow you to lie half asleep on the couch while your kid (hopefully) can entertain themselves for 3 minutes.

#2 Cut your to do list: Yes there are still things we have to still do even when we are sick. Like, you know, feed the child. But cut out any of the extras. Do not try to be super women/man. Just don’t. Give yourself a break and permission to leave the dishes or let the laundry go unfolded. (My husband knows this was my strategy all too well. At one point I think we had 3 full baskets of clean laundry for a good 5 days before I finally felt well enough to deal with it. Husband would deal with it, except no one would be able to find their clothing if he put it away. Love you honey!)

#3 Ask for help. Full disclosure- I suck at this one. But I think, as parents, we all need to do it more. The truth is that if you get two toddlers together- they will entertain each other. Sometimes two is easier then one. So it would be great if we felt more comfortable as parents asking each other for help. I’ll watch your kids if you aren’t feeling well, you watch mine. Not all the time, but a two hour nap when you feel horrible is a huge help. I think part of the reason I hesitated to do this this time is in part because I really didn’t want to be around friends and get anyone else sick. But in retrospect, it probably would have been fine with some good hand washing and cover your mouth when you cough techniques. Point being, our lives would all be easier if we pooled our collective time (and sanity) more often.

#4 Okay, I’m out of ideas. Do you have any? What helps you get through being sick? How do you cope when you feel horrible and your kid(s) are full of energy?

Struggling to Play with my Toddler

Posted on January 13, 2012 by amoment2think

I am sure I have said this before. I think some parents are great baby parents. Some parents are great toddler parents. Some parents are great with preschoolers or school age kids and some shine with teenagers. Given that we are all human beings with strengths and weaknesses, this makes sense.

I think I have also mentioned before that I believe I am a ‘school age parent’. I’m not sure, because, you know, I don’t have a school aged kid, I just have a toddler. But what I do know for sure is that the baby/toddler stage is not where I shine.

Now that’s not to say I don’t think I am a good parent. Despite all the blame the mother messages, guilt over this choice or that, pressure to be the perfect mom and all the other things our society heaps on us as parents that makes this parenting job OH SO MUCH MORE DIFFICULT, I actually believe I am a pretty good parent. I am loving, kind, reasonably consistent, reasonably effective with dealing with problem behaviour, and good at being aware of my individual kid and her individual needs and responding as such.

But. I still don’t feel ‘at home’ in the toddler years. They are better then the ‘baby’ stage, where I felt horribly inadequate and lost, but I still don’t feel I am ‘great’ at the toddler stage.

blocks 300x230 Struggling to Play with my Toddler

photo by Hey Paul via Flickr Creative Commons

One of the main reasons is that I really struggle with engaging in toddler play. There, I said it. This one is hard for me to admit guys, because I feel bad about it. How could I not know how to play with my kid? How can anyone not know how to play?

I just don’t. Sort of. There are parts of it I am good at. I am happy to have lengthy conversations with Audrey, letting her take the lead and letting the conversation twist and turn and repeat, as she asks the same questions over and over again and practices that odd toddler cyclical logic. That’s fun, because wow does she come up with some hilarious things. I love reading to her and taking her to the park. I am even happy to put on some music and have a dance off. But when she asks me to draw with her or build lego or play house… I can do it… but its just not fun to me. I get bored quickly and that imaginative play just doesn’t come naturally to me. I just want to go back to knitting or whatever.

Some parents seem to be naturals at coming up with games and activities and crafts to do with their kids. Fun ideas to fill up a rainy day. My brain just doesn’t function that way. I’d rather get in the car and go on an adventure to try and find somewhere (anywhere) indoor for her to play. I’d rather her colour or pretend to cook or play with her puzzles on her own, rather then get down on the floor with her. Oh, that sounds horrible. See! Its hard not to feel like a bad mom for admitting this!

But I know I am not a bad Mom. I am an imperfect human. And my kid will not be ruined for life because I am not good at making up games and engaging in imaginative play. (Also, my wonderful husband who is an amazing Dad is great at this, so you know, its not like A is depending totally on me for this.) It’s how I am built- I have always lived more in the world of ideas then in the world of fantasy. My greatest fear is being put on the spot and asked to do something creative. I like concrete goals and things with a clear beginning, middle and end. Imaginative play was never my strong suit- I always preferred to read a book. I can be creative when coming up with solutions to problems, but other then that, my creative side is lacking. At least that is how it feels to me.

I think one of the hardest things we encounter as a parent is to make peace with our imperfections and the ways in which we aren’t always the ‘perfect’ parent. A couple people have tried to encourage me to embrace my (non existent) “silly side” and just get down on the floor and play. I’ve tried and I will continue to try, but it will never be my strength. Send me in to deal with a tantrum- sure, that I can do. It’s not fun, but I feel much more able to do that then to make up a toddler ‘game’ to play.

But I can’t be the only parent out there that feels like this. Right? There have to be other Left Brain dominant individuals out there that find this equally challenging. Or maybe there is an other aspect of being the ‘perfect’ parent that you struggle with? I figure we all must have our things, right?

I have no idea how to end this post. Confession made. Guilt exposed. Attempt to partially accept my own foibles partially successful. I guess.

Really, I think this is just a call out there to the rest of the parenting world– none of us are perfect, right? Anyone want to join in and confess their foibles?

Are Childrens Books Dumbed Down?

Posted on July 2, 2011 by amoment2think

Audrey loves to read and has a pretty substantial book collection. She has books originally published in the 40′s and 50′s and books published in the 90′s and 00′s. She has short and simple books and she has longer books.

Reading all these books I have noticed something. A general trend, if you will.

In old old children’s books… the ones published sometime before the 60′s, it is pretty common to see rather complex sentences. Have you ever read the original Peter Rabbit? Or Blueberries for Sal? Those books have some very complex sentences structures. Where as most, more recent books, are full of very short, simple sentences.

I assume this shift was made as parents became more aware of the benefit of reading in terms of children’s language development. The idea being that the more kids could understand and distinguish the words, the quicker they would learn language and be able to interpret what they were hearing.

I wonder if there has been similar shift in how we talk to kids. It seems we do a lot of ‘dumbed’ down talking to kids as well- making the assumption they won’t understand more complex concepts and sentences structures. This has always been one of my pet peeves- how people talk to kids sometimes. It seems to lack respect for their intelligence and ability to understand. I think sometimes it is done with the best of intentions- trying to be inclusive of a child by wanting them to not miss out on what is going on because the conversation is too complex. But for me, it often crosses the line to ‘talking down’ rather then trying to build understanding. Anyway.

I don’t believe books (or conversations) need to be substantially boiled down to their simplest form for even young children to understand. Audrey understands the concepts in “Blueberries for Sal” just as well as she understands more simple books. It doesn’t seem to impact her. Nor do we talk to her in only simple sentences– again, she understands us either way. Every day she surprises us by putting together concepts or remembering something we weren’t sure she got.

Now I am not suggesting we have a burn the book ceremony for any children’s book without a complex sentence to be found. I love so many children’s books in all different styles. And I think it is good for kids to hear simple rhymes and short sentences along with the more complex stuff.

But I often think about how we communicate with and teach our children. And I often think about how we underestimate their intelligence and don’t trust them to be able to do things beyond what we think they can. We don’t let them try to climb, because we are afraid they will fall. And we don’t seem to believe they can understand us, even when we use big words and complex sentences.

Why?

My child amazes me with what she is able to do every day, so why would I ever underestimate her? I try my absolute best to have age appropriate realistic expectations when it comes to behaviour, but not expectations when it comes to ability. What I mean by that is that I don’t expect that my two year old can be awake for 14 hours straight and still be cheerful company. But I don’t underestimate her ability to climb all the way up a windy metal slide. Nor to I underestimate her ability to understand me when I talk to her in full sentences.

Kids get it. More often then we think they do. Bring on the complex sentences. They can handle it.