I’ve just been though a massively harrowing 2 years with so many bad things that have happened I don’t even want to start cataloguing them. Anyway a “friend” would sometimes come over and make me feel really bad about not playing with my 3 year old all the time, (Bear in mind I was completely traumatised by the stuff going on in my life and I was still taking my child out to the park or to the cafe for milk and nice food most days) I just hated going to the playground because I would feel awful around the other mothers because I was new to the area and going through hell and no one talked to me. My child was getting to go to the park every other day with her dad, so she was getting to go play there three or four times a week.

Anyway this friend who was a nursery school teacher would go into play overload with my child and then started acting like she was some sort of saviour to my child…and she totally undermined my sense of reality about what does or doesn’t constitute normal play… One thing I did notice was that she focused so much on my child I felt like she was performing…with this audience of one confused kid!

Now this friend is out of my life, and I feel like without this person constantly citing her childcare study at me I can actually be a natural parent. My child plays on her own quite happily while I sit near her. I take her to different places, not just the park and she gets to see all sorts of interesting real life stuff that isn’t just at some museum for kids… We both love watching films so we snuggle up and watch films and have long conversations about stuff… if I am on the computer she sits on the desk next to me playing games on the iphone and putting her little hot feet on me and we chit chat … I try to do bedtime stories every night but sometimes we just lay and chat under fairy lights until late… I tickle her with feathers, we cuddle up and sleep.

My house is a mess but also pretty and comfortable…it’s tiny and a place I had to move into in an emergency. I made sure that the bathroom has a bright stripy rug and I got a cute Japanese teddy bear shower curtain and a silly toilet seat with kittens on it so my daughter would like it. Some days I have to order take out because I’m too tired to cook and it’s not a very nice kitchen. I don’t have any Mom friends here yet and she hasn’t made any kid friends…. she talks to kids in the playground and they just stare at her and don’t speak to her….

And so…the pressure to be a Mom, the pressure to be this perfect cookie-cutter Mom…. I’m so tired of it and the feelings that come up and undermine me.

I know people who drag their kids to every activity under the sun, who control every aspect of their play…and these kids seem to be bored and not motivated to do anything, so some balance is needed I guess…

I dislike valentine’s day, personally, and for my kids it’s quickly become all about the treats. Because like Sophie says, there are treats. Last year we got candy from school..this year one kid in preschool & one in kindergarten I am sure we’ll be rolling in candy by this time tomorrow. It’s (peer pressure) so bad that I even considered doing a ‘treat bag’ for my 5.5 year old’s class (17 kids) and then checked my head. No. Not happening. Pieces of paper with names scrawled on them were good enough for my entire elementary school career and they’ll be good enough for yours too, dammit.
But happy day!

We (well, my son and his Dad) made the Valentine’s Day cards, and for him it was a practice in writing since he signed his name and wrote all of his friend’s names in the cards. So he liked making them and he got something out of it. But even if he hadn’t asked for it, unfortunately, I would have pushed for making the cards. Because it has become an organized activity: everyone gives out cards to everyone, and it is expected and part of the schedule of the day. They even decorated bags to put the cards in. So he would be completely left out if he didn’t have cards to give out.

At least, he made them himself, they didn’t cost us anything, and actually a third of the kids had home-made cards. Which is more than I would have thought.

Happy Valentine’s Day Kathleen!